Today, I was only through my Bloglovin and I came across this post from For Colored Gurls about stalking. January is National Stalking Awareness Month.
It made me think about my own experience with stalking and how it changed my life.
During college I was in a rocky, needy, and emotionally scarring relationship. I felt like he needed me so I put his needs before my own. I sacrificed myself for him.
I always wanted to be a part of a sorority and during my sophomore year it seemed I would finally have the opportunity. My decision resulted in the demises of our relationship.
He did not want me to be in the sorority for various reasons but I was determined. Our relationship pretty much ended over it but it was still hard to let go. It got to the point where I would receive 60+ phone calls in one day from him, he checked my email daily, a security guy was searching my room to notify him of my whereabouts, he asked other students to watch me in classes, enrolled in some of my classes and started calling my mom telling her everything he thought I was doing and scaring her half to death. I was advised by friends and counselors to contact the authorities and eventually I got a restraining order (RO). Even while getting the RO, all I could think about was how I was ruining his life, how he loved me so much and this was his way of showing it and how I was probably making a huge mistake.
After I got the RO, I moved out of our dorm so that he wouldn’t have to and segregated myself from the entire campus. I grieved for an entire semester. I locked myself in my dorm room and didn’t go to classes. I was devastated, alone, and I felt incredibly guilty. It’s only by God’s grace that I managed to pass all my classes that semester.
He convinced everyone who would listen that I had ruined his life. For the rest of my time at college, I was sure people blamed me and thought I was the crazy girl who overreacted. Even after the RO, it didn’t stop….I was still mentioned on Facebook every now and then, he would magically become friends and message any new guy that I decided to befriend, I received anonymous messages begging me to stop ruining his life and sometimes people would actually be vocal enough to ask me “Don’t you feel guilty? How could you do this to him?” That piece of paper never made me feel safe, I was still afraid but it was all I had so I made sure I kept it, and he made sure he fought it.
For the rest of my college career, I carried the guilt and shame around. I was not the victim, he was. I was just the crazy girl who had the audacity to take control of her life. I joined a new organization (which I will always credit for saving my future), found friends off campus and tried to move on. I didn’t feel safe until I left campus and moved far away. Even now, I still wonder if he is tracking my whereabouts or even if he will see this post.
I feel brave enough to write this post because I don’t want anyone to go through what I went through. I’m not writing this to get back at him, and I am at a point where I forgive him. I was somewhat lucky because things never got physical but everyone’s story is different. I hope this reaches someone and they can stop this path before it gets ugly. The experience taught me so much and in some ways was a blessing.
Never allow anyone to take control over your life.
Whether what you are doing is right or wrong, no one has the right to make that decision for you.
Put yourself first and don’t feel guilty for doing what is best for you.
Never be in relationship where you believe that another person cannot survive without you, this is how you lose who you are.
If you believe you are being stalked, there is support out there (support I wish I had). Please click this link, this link, and this one too. You can also contact me